Play More, Laugh More, Live More

In the past ten days I've heard some form of the question, "How are you feeling" more times than I can count. My response is always the same, ask me next week once my mom is gone because that's when the real test begins. Since we got home from the hospital my mom has been taking care of as much as possible including changing diapers, playing with Kellan in the morning, cooking meals (breakfast and dinner), doing the early morning bottle feeding, laundry, and anything else she could think of to leave me with one job - rest and recover. And at this point I'm feeling pretty much recovered from the c-section other than the fact that the incision still hurts when I cough/laugh/sneeze. If my mom wasn't here, I'm sure the recovery process would have been a lot worse. I go in for my two week follow-up on Tuesday and am hoping they'll clear me to do some of the more routine things like drive, take baths, and go on walks.

The past week has been an eventful one for us. Nursing was rough for the first few days after we got out of the hospital and Kellan wasn't gaining weight. Because of that, we ended up going to see the pediatrician Saturday, Monday, and Wednesday (when they finally said he'd gained enough weight to stop coming in every other day). I can definitely see him getting chubbier and chubbier every day.

During our appointment on Monday, they determined he was tongue tied and recommended that we have it clipped so a good portion of the day Tuesday was spent getting it clipped (parking at Georgetown hospital was atrocious!). The clipping was definitely harder for me than Kellan; he cried for two seconds because the doctor had his hands in his mouth and then promptly went back to sleep.

And then Wednesday we found out that Kellan needed some additional blood work done so we spent about six hours on Thursday at Children's Hospital getting bloodwork done. I cried for the first time since his delivery when they first tried a vein in one hand, then another, and finally ended up having to do a heel prick because his veins kept collapsing. The attachment I have to him already is incredible and even though I knew he wasn't crying from being hurt, just restrained, it just hurt my heart to hear his "pain cry" even if it was just for a few seconds. Best part of the day though was when we were changing Kellan into his final diaper and he absolutely exploded all over Richie (I should've taken a picture) who of course had planned to go to work that afternoon and didn't bring a change of clothes. Needless to say, he came home with me and worked from home. Apparently baby didn't want dad to go back to work yet.

Other than that we're just trying to get adjusted to the new routine of sleep, eat, poop, repeat. And playing with Kellan's toys - swing, bouncer, and dad. Luckily so far Kellan seems to be a pretty good baby, and I'm excited to continue to see his personality come through.

Sorry for the long and detailed post (sure there will be TMI somewhere…), but I wanted to make sure this story was written down somewhere.

When my mom originally booked her plane ticket to come out and help with the baby I kept telling her that I thought he was going to be late. She decided to fly out five days before my due date anyway in hopes that maybe baby would decide he wanted to meet grandma earlier than later. I should’ve known better seeing how stubborn Richie and I are. So mom and I spent the five days up until my due date getting everything I wanted (and things I didn’t even know I wanted) done before the baby arrived. I’d already done all of the important things but mom helped me finish up the little things like getting our 2^nd car inspection done, recovering the guest bedroom headboard, and some fun Pinterest inspired crafts for the nursery. By the time my delivery date finally rolled around, I was scouring Pinterest in the morning to come up with things to do that day. I’m so glad she came early though. It gave Richie a chance to work for a few more days (so he could take time off when baby decided to arrive) and kept me entertained and unstressed in the days leading up to the baby.

We went in for my 39/40 week appointment on Tuesday afternoon and found out that my blood pressure was a little high and I had a slight bit of protein in my urine. After talking to the OB, she said that because of the high blood pressure and because they thought baby was a little big (based on the ultrasound) that we should be packed and ready to go to the hospital directly from my appointment on Thursday afternoon and that they would induce me (using Cervidil) then. Somehow in that conversation Richie, mom, and I all heard that was the plan regardless of how things looked on Thursday, which turned out not to be the case.

So Wednesday we spent making last minute preparations, making cookies for the nurses, packing and repacking our hospital bags, and getting my mentally prepared to have a baby. Thursday we went to my appointment in the afternoon and received bittersweet news – all the preparation was for naught. My blood pressure went down, the protein in my urine was gone, and the doctor highly recommended waiting it out a couple more days instead of going over to be induced that night and scheduling induction for early next week. She did give me the option to go to the hospital right there but I just couldn’t go against a doctor’s recommendation and feel good about it. Besides, the doctor said my body was in the process of getting itself ready and hopefully it would go into labor by itself before the scheduled induction date. I felt pretty sick about the whole thing since I’d mentally prepared myself for Thursday night but agreed to officially schedule the induction for Monday at 9PM.

Fast forward (with two movies, making more cookies, crafts, and lots of naps/rests) to Monday. We arrived at the hospital a few minutes before my appointment and were quickly checked in to a labor/delivery room and the nurse came in to put in the IV (sucked by the way), take my vitals, etc. and the OB came and checked everything else. I hadn’t actually felt a contraction up to that point but as soon as the monitors were on the nurse told me my body was having very minor irregular contractions, so apparently I was and just wasn’t feeling them. When the doctor checked me out, my body hadn’t progressed at all since Thursday so the doctor put in Cervidil and said we’d see how things were going in the morning and decide whether or not to use Pitocin to speed up labor. Mom, Richie, and I played some games to pass the next few hours before passing out around midnight.

I woke up around 3:30 feeling stronger contractions and asked the nurse to go to the bathroom. Once I was done I walked over to our bags to search for my labor playlist (the only thing that seems to work for me to distract from pain) and noticed that there was something dripping down both of my legs. I asked the nurse if it was possible that my water had broken and she quickly looked at me and assured me that it hadn’t and it was likely just urine. I laid back down in bed and dealt with a few minor contractions before feeling like I needed to use the bathroom again so I buzzed the nurses’ station (not my nurse) and they sent in someone to unhook me from the monitor. When she came in and I stood up, I again felt dripping and a puddle beginning to form under my legs. I told the second nurse and she said it was likely that I had ruptured and went to grab another nurse to confirm. They came back in, had me get back into bed, and confirmed that my water was broken around 4AM.

Once my water broke, things started to happen. I was only dilated to about 2cms (100% effaced) but I was having contractions that seemed to be making progress. The doctor came and checked on me after my water broke and said she wanted to wait for a little while to see if my body would work its magic without the Pitocin and agreed to order the epidural then since I was already feeling pain (and anyone who knows me knows I don’t handle pain well). The epidural was in my 6AM (and the guy who gave it to me was fantastic, thank goodness since it was the part I was the most nervous about) and I slept for the better portion of the morning as my body just continued to prepare itself for the baby and it seemed like my body was progressing nicely (about 1cm every hour). Fast forward again to 4PM when I hit 9cm, was fully effaced, and feeling good about everything (thank goodness for pain medication) and like we would have a sweet baby soon. Or not.

Two hours later the doctor checked me for a third time and I was still only dilated to 9cm and didn’t seem to be progressing. She decided to start me on Pitocin to hopefully get me over that final edge so I could start pushing. After she made that decision, I asked Richie for a blessing of comfort and strength and during that blessing I knew everything would end up fine and was at peace with whatever happened.

After two hours of Pitocin and feeling every bit of the pressure (not pain thankfully) that comes with intense 9cm contractions, the doctor came in to check me one more time and unfortunately my body was just stalled. She said that I could try for another hour or two but that we were getting to the point (in the 24 hour window) where we needed to start considering a c-section before it became an emergency c-section because the baby was in distress. I asked her in her opinion if another hour or two would make any difference and she honestly told me no. Rather than wait it out to see if my body would finally cooperate or if I would suffer for another two hours before going down the c-section path anyway, I decided to go ahead with the c-section.

As a side note, I’ve never been one of those women who were set on a natural birth and against c-sections. I knew it would be a painful recovery and not the ideal way to deliver, but I’ve never been against it or had any concerns about getting a c-section (other than the whole surgery part) but as soon as I made the decision and I realized that I was going to be getting a c-section after 24 hours of “labor,” the waterworks started. Add that to my terrible history with pain and anesthesia and I’m sure everyone thought I was a mess. The anesthesiologist even gave me extra medicine to make me sleepy for the second half of the c-section (after the baby had been delivered) because they could tell I was freaking out about the pain and the surgery thing (I am not a blood/needles person).

Anyway, as soon as the decision was made, the doctors and nurses went in full speed ahead mode and had me in the OR, prepped and ready to go in less than 15 minutes. They quickly doped me up with some high-powered drugs and started the procedure. One of the last things I coherently remember thinking before they started was, “Sad, I’m not going to get to use the padsicles I made.”

I didn’t know what to expect since I’d never planned on a c-section but I could feel the pressure and tugging as they made the incision and pushed and prodded the baby out of the opening. I just kept thinking, come on isn’t this over yet and that I was freezing (check out all the blankets/towels in the picture above)... The fact that they were taking a baby out of me really didn’t even cross my mind. Even when the baby was out and he cried it just didn’t seem real, though that was likely the extra medicine he gave me that made me sleepy. Richie went over to see the baby as they checked him out and then Richie came and introduced him to me and sadly, I really can’t say it was love at first sight. I was too out of it to really feel or see anything and as soon as Richie took the baby away, I was out.

I woke up after they’d finished everything else and were wheeling me back to my room. The first thing I remember seeing when I woke up was my mom and dad waiting for me (Richie was with the baby out of sight when I first entered) and everyone telling me just to rest. At that point I was pretty anxious to meet my little guy for real but knew I couldn’t hold him since I didn’t really have control over my body still.

So for the first hour or so, I saw his face and watched everyone else hold him. I was finally rolled into my room in the baby/mom area about an hour later and waited and waited until they finally brought him in. And at the point, I got to meet my new baby boy – Kellan Blake Vigil – for the first time. The oh my goodness I love this person and he’s mine moment didn’t happen for me right away because I was exhausted and still on so much medicine. But the second night as I was nursing and cuddling him by myself (Richie was sleeping), that light just went on that everyone talks about and I knew my life was forever changed and that I loved this baby more than I could ever have imagined. And that love continues to get stronger (and I’m sure will continue…) every single day I am with him.